


If One Thing Had Been Different

by AthenianOwl



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:40:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29405646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AthenianOwl/pseuds/AthenianOwl
Summary: There's this video I saw on Twitter that asks if one thing had been different in Kieutou's relationship would things be different now.  So this is me re-writing several different clips that could have led to a resolution between them instead of dragging hell week into episode 10
Relationships: Fatou Jallow & Kieu My Vu, Fatou Jallow/Kieu My Vu
Comments: 27
Kudos: 153





	1. Are You Even Listening

**Author's Note:**

> So each chapter is a stand alone re-write. I hope that I can keep the characterizations okay, since that's my biggest writing fear. But I needed this to exist since Druck keeps hurting me.

Kieu My had been eagerly waiting for Fatou to come over all day, she even tried her hand at baking some cookies to settle her nerves. Unfortunately they were burnt and inedible, but the moment she saw her girlfriend’s face her aggravation slipped away. 

She greeted her with a soft kiss and welcomed her into her bedroom. It was the first time she had been there and she gave Fatou a second to take it in and relax before diving into the conversation she had been preparing for all day.

Once Fatou has settled on the bed, she sits down beside her. “Um you know how we wanted to talk again …”

Fatou hums in acknowledgment, shifting to her elbow. She can feel Fatou’s calm energy in contrast to her own and she almost decides not to even bother with this talk after all. But then she feels Fatou’s hand gently rub the back of her arm, and it gives her the courage to open up.

“No idea, I’m just really scared and anxious . . . because I don’t know how all of this is supposed to work. You know because of Ava back then and Constantine and Nora. I mean we have to decide how we’re going to act in front of them.” She leans back considering just how complicated this might be. She’s so focused on what this might look like that she doesn’t even get distracted by Fatou’s fingers skimming across her stomach; an act that would typically derail all of her thoughts, shifting her focus onto her seeming need to kiss Fatou any chance she gets. 

“You know how awkward it can be with ex-partners? Or do you know how much of a drama queen Constantine can be? ‘Hey thanks for ghosting me!’ ‘No problem thanks for following me around with your scary stares for a month. That was great!’” She grows somber thinking of the task she finds even harder than dealing with Constantine’s dramatics. “And then I have to apologize to Ava. That was . . .” she pauses feeling the guilt and discomfort of having to recall the mistakes of her youth, “crazy back then.” 

It occurs to her that she’s been the only one saying anything and she worries that it’s too much. But Fatou’s eyes appear focused on the path her fingers trail along Kieu My’s stomach. “Hey, are you even listening to me?”

“Hmm?”

She sits up, forcing Fatou’s hand to fall to the side and she doesn’t bother saying anything when Fatou apologizes. Although it seems she probably wouldn’t have heard that either as she’s shifted focus to her phone. 

“Can we maybe talk about this some other time? I’m really tired.” 

She only offers a hum, refusing to look at Fatou until her voice sounds like a soft plea of “hey”. She looks to her, expecting her to recognize the frustration that must be plain across her face, but instead she follows up with “Could we maybe watch a movie?”

She exhales with disappointment. “Yeah, I’ll get the laptop”

***

She knew that Fatou had looked tired when she arrived, and Fatou had clearly said she was tired, but Kieu My didn’t realize just how exhausted she must have been. They were barely ten minutes into the movie before Fatou’s body had slumped further down the bed and the arm wrapped around Kieu My grew heavy in her sleep. 

She gazed down at Fatou's sleeping face and her annoyance dissolves despite her earlier intention to not let this go. After all she had been waiting all day to talk this out, but it’s almost ten and Fatou is sound asleep. It seems she missed her opportunity to plan for tomorrow and now she’ll have to go to this friend meet up without a plan; and Kieu My doesn’t like not having a plan. Especially not for something as important as this. She chews on her bottom lip as the worst case scenario plays in her mind again - What if Ava doesn’t accept her apology and Fatou decides she can’t be with someone her best friend doesn’t approve of?

She’s so deep in thought, she didn’t feel Fatou stir beside her. It’s not until she feels Fatou lift her hand, her finger smoothing out the furrow of Kieu My's brow.

“I’m sorry, I was just so tired. I was stressed with the inventory list and then I was up all night searching for Maike.” When Kieu My doesn’t say anything, she continues. “I’m ready to talk now.”

She quirks her lips and shrugs the offer away. “It’s fine.” And this time, Fatou seems better able to read her. She sits up and takes Kieu My’s hand into her own, her thumb rubbing against her knuckles. 

“Hey, no, please let’s talk. I know you’re worried about Ava, but she knows how much I like you, and,” she draws out the word, her voice taking on a teasing tone “how you climbed a roof for me.” She shoots Kieu My a goofy smile, keeping her promise to never let Kieu My forget that she liked Fatou so much she scaled her house just to talk to her. 

Kieu My groans and drops her head to Fatou’s shoulder. She’d say she regrets doing it, but she doesn’t, not at all. 

“Okay, but what if Ava doesn’t forgive me? You forgave me because you liked me, but Ava . . .” Kieu My lays out all her fears and this time she can feel Fatou’s eyes focused on her own even as her hand continues to play with Kieu My’s fingers. 

She didn’t think it was possible to like Fatou any more than she already did, but Fatou just kept proving herself to be more than Kieu My could have ever expected.


	2. Ignored

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based off of Ep 7 Friday's clip after the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the way the show keeps disappointing me, I'm just going to keep churning out these alternative to what could have happened.

They’ve been walking in silence for much longer than feels comfortable, distress radiating off of Fatou, and yet she hasn’t said anything.

Kieu My would ask what’s bothering her, but she’s already been ignored the other times she asked at the bar. Maybe she’d be better able to tolerate this if she wasn’t also frustrated with the course of events. After Fatou fell asleep last night, they never had the chance to plan her apology to Ava which apparently wasn’t even necessary since Ava didn’t think Kieu My was worth showing up for. 

She knows that’s not Fatou’s fault, but after she returned from her phone call, she was mentally checked out and Kieu My felt the brunt of the work on socializing with Nora and Mailin. Fatou didn’t even say anything about Ava not showing up.

“Are we just not going to talk at all?” 

“Huh?” Fatou sounds confused, looking up from the ground for the first time since they left the bar. “Sorry.”

Kieu My can’t hold back her huff feeling frustrated by Fatou’s apologies with no follow up. 

“I’m sorry,” Fatou offers again, this time her voice dripping with guilt. She rubs her forehead, contemplating how to follow up before blurting out, “I’ve completely fucked up today. I don’t know what’s wrong with my brain.”

There’s a pang in Kieu My’s heart when she hears Fatou talk like this, and her desire to comfort her is strong. She fights the urge to challenge her, hoping that if she stays quiet, Fatou will elaborate.

“I was so stressed out with the inventory, and then Maike. I completely forgot I had already made plans with Ava tonight. And now she’s so mad at me. Who forgets plans that fast? My brain can’t remember things and my grades . . .” she stops mid sentence and takes a breath in. “I’ve just been so overwhelmed. I haven’t even had time to talk to you about it at all. And I know I disappointed you last night, just like I’m disappointing everyone, and . . .”

“Hey,” Kieu My pauses, reaching out for Fatou’s arm until she’s wrapped up in a hug, ending her stream of self criticism. She feels Fatou relax into the hug and she holds her there for a minute before pulling away. 

“I didn’t realize all of that was going on. I mean, I guessed about school, but not the inventory or Maike.” Fatou maintains a hold on her waist, rubbing her thumb in comforting circles. “I -” she falters, feeling ashamed to admit this. “I thought it was just me. That you didn’t want to talk to me.” 

The look of complete confusion returned in full force, Fatou’s brows furrowed trying to understand what Kieu My had just said. “Of course I wanted to talk to you! It’s just . . . hard.”

“Well last night, it just seemed like you were . . . more interested in other things.”

“Huh?”

Kieu My directs her gaze at Fatou’s hand and she seems to understand. 

“No, I just - You’re the only thing that distracts me from everything.”

She tenses up, recalling the way Nora and Mailin teased Fatou for falling in love on sight. But that isn’t love. It’s lust and that’s not what she needed. Another person who only cared about one side of her, someone who would get bored and leave, who wouldn’t reciprocate the magnitude of her own feelings. 

“A distraction.” Her voice is laced with sadness.

“No, not like that. I mean.” Fatou taps her head looking for the words. “You make me feel safe and calm. When everything feels like it’s falling apart, you make everything bad disappear.”

“But it doesn’t really disappear, Fatou. Nothing will be solved if we don’t talk.” 

“Yeah, this week has been tough.” Fatou chews on her lips, taking in Kie My’s words. “I want to talk. Sorry.”

“Stop, apologizing.” She admonishes Fatou making sure to keep her tone gentle. She cups Fatou’s face between her hands and leans in for a light kiss, a smile growing on her face when Fatou hums with contentment. “Can we talk now?”

“Uh huh.” Fatou offers her a small smile. She laces their hands together as they continue their walk back to Kieu My’s apartment. 

“Thanks. So what happened with Ava? I assumed she didn’t come because of me.”

“No, so on Sunday . . .” Fatou prepares herself to recount the details of this past week, grateful for the weekend as she anticipates this to be a long conversation. Overdue and difficult though it might be, she’s grateful for the understanding kindness she always finds in Kieu My.


	3. Embarrassment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set in Episode 8 after Kieu My's attempt to help Fatou with school doesn't go as she planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The emotional angst just keeps growing with each chapter as their lack of communication increases the further into the series I try to re-write.

“Really, can’t you all just leave me alone about this?” Fatou raises her voice, letting out all the frustration she’s been holding inside over the past few days, turning back towards her bed. This wasn’t how she planned for their afternoon to go. 

She looks back to Kieu My, prepared for her retort. Instead what she finds is Kieu My packing her bag to leave.

“Yes, I can. Just let me know when you’ve calmed down, okay?” She didn’t have to raise her voice or slam the door on her way out to pierce Fatou’s heart. Regret consumes her, having registered the pain in Kieu My’s face as Fatou’s words have pushed her away yet again. 

The last time was an intentional effort to keep herself safe, but she had no resolve once she saw the effect on Kieu My. And although today’s circumstances are vastly different, she’s similarly incapable of letting Kieu My leave feeling hurt at the hand of Fatou’s words. Fatou crawls off her bed as quickly as possible, hoping to catch her before she’s made it out of the house.

“Stop, please, I’m sorry.”

Kieu My’s hand pauses on the doorknob, and with a deep breath she turns around to face Fatou.

“You know, I did all this to help you, Fatou. I’m not some object to distract you from the real world.”

“I didn’t mean it that way,” her voice is exasperated, frustration building up at her inability to articulate the swirl of thoughts and emotions inside of her.

“Really? Because on Thursday you couldn’t be bothered to listen to me and Friday you ghosted me all day. Do you even -” Kieu My stops herself from finishing her thought. She doesn’t want to go there, doesn’t want to voice the fears that have been prickling at the back of her mind for the past couple of days. 

She tells herself that she doesn’t say it because she thinks Fatou will just ignore it like she’s ignored all of her other attempts to open up; which is partially true, but deep down Kieu My knows that it’s more so her worry that Fatou will confirm her fears. That when Kieu My starts getting real, people lose interest. And she’s just not ready to face that truth right now. 

Fatou steps closer to Kieu My, wanting to reach out to her and re-establish their connection. Her fingers twitch at her side, eager to touch her, but she thinks better of it. 

“I’m sorry, really. I just feel . . . so dumb,” she admits. “Everything is falling apart with my grades, and,” she braces herself to say this aloud for the first time to anyone, “I was fired.” 

Embarrassment courses through her body and she averts her eyes to the side so that she doesn’t cry. It feels so crushing to have to admit to her brilliant girlfriend that had already witnessed her incompetence in physics that she couldn’t even keep her job. It’s the same wave of embarrassment she felt when Kieu My offered to give her a learning plan. 

She sucks in another breath of air and continues. “Ava won’t forgive me, and now,” she lets out a heavy sigh “now, I’m driving away my girlfriend. Who is the best person and deserves so much more.” The voice in her head that questions what Kieu My could ever see in Fatou tries to push its way to the forefront of her mind. “I- I just wanted some time with the person who makes me feel safe; just a small break from everything.”

Kieu My’s voice is gentler when she responds. “Fatou, why haven’t you told me about any of this?”

Fatou shrugs and continues to stare at the ground silently before answering. “I don’t like talking about the hard stuff.”

“And I do. I want to find solutions and -”

“And I really like that about you, Kieu My. I just . . . can’t today. I’m sorry I yelled.”

“Thank you.” Kieu My takes a minute to process everything that’s been said, readying herself to meet Fatou’s vulnerability with her own. “It wasn’t just that you yelled. It’s that I felt like you haven’t wanted to talk to me. I thought maybe . . . you were over us, over me.”

“What?” The surprise of Kieu My’s statement finally pulling Fatou’s eyes from the floor and back to Kieu My’s face. “Kieu My, do you know how long I’ve been chasing after you?”

She cringes at the memory of the bar on Friday. “Yeah, right, since the Moulin Rouge dance.”

“No,” Fatou shakes her head. “That’s when Nora and Mailin noticed, but, Kieu My, I’ve liked you since -” She exhales with a different type of embarrassment. “So, one day at school, I was going to the restroom when I overheard crying. And I was going to walk away, but when I heard your voice, so soft and different from the Kieu My I saw in class, I paused. You were so good to Zoe and then you made some nerdy anime reference, and that was it for me.”

“Because I’m really a soft anime nerd?”

“The whole package.” Fatou laughs shyly, hoping that Kieu My doesn’t think she’s an eavesdropping creep. 

Kieu My’s eyes fall to the ground and she lets out her own soft laugh before finally closing the distance they’d held throughout this conversation. She cups Fatou’s face between her hands and kisses her, pouring all of her affection into this act. 

When she breaks away, her forehead pressed against Fatou’s, she can see shining in Fatou’s eyes the truth of what she said. She really does think Kieu My is everything. 

“Okay, so horror film today, but homework date tomorrow?”

“Okay,” Fatou whispers. “Kieu My style.”

“Kieu My style,” she agrees, leading the way back to Fatou’s bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoy writing out these ideas that play out in my head, so thank you to everyone who reads and comments. It makes me so happy. :)


	4. Lightyears Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set the night of their breakup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was so incredibly hard to write because it was so emotional reliving what we got in the clip and then trying to resolve the conflict in a way that properly expressed their emotional states. I can sometimes get caught up in giving too many details bc I want people to read it exactly the way it is in my head, so I tried my best :/ and hope you all enjoy it

She’s rushing out of the apartment complex trying to remember the address, trying to find a number on the building’s facade, begging her ride-share app to load faster, hoping to find her way out of here before she devolves into tears, but she’s turning in circles feeling as lost in her environment as she does inside. 

She's rushing towards the street trying to get away, but she can already hear Kieu My calling out to her. The way her name sounds like a plea on Kieu My’s lips, Fatou stops despite the urge to run.

"Fatou, what’s going on now?" 

But now she’s shifted back to the tone she'd used at the party. The dismissive way in which she pushed Fatou away after being apart for so long plays in her mind. "Kieu My, I have no idea who you are anymore. I don’t know you anymore." 

The frustrations of the past week rising to the surface. "I really dont have the energy anymore for your shitty bullying clique and you and your games and your fake smile. I just don't want that anymore."

"You have no idea what’s going on with us," Kieu My argues. “Yes, dude, Constantin can be an asshole sometimes. But he feels like shit at the moment. And we're a family." Her voice breaks subtly and Fatou has to look away, the guilt of being the cause of it eats at her. "I wanted to explain everything to you but you never listen to me."

"And that's why you’re looking for someone new?" Immediately feeling embarrassed when Kieu My's face takes on a look of confusion. "I saw the chat with Maya," Fatou admits.

“You’re checking my phone?” Her voice is soft again and full of pain. 

“Dude, no. It was lying there.” She takes a breath in trying to get back to the real issue. “But it’s really about the fact that I really needed you and you just ran away.” 

“Fatou, you’re making this really fucking easy for yourself. I’m not just your fucking distraction. I'm a real human that’s complicated and messy. I tried to open up for the first time. You just left me standing there.”

“Yes, now! Kieu My, now you want to open up. Now you want to talk, open up, do you know how long I ran after you? You didn't notice, huh?” 

As the tears well up in her eyes she realizes that she's not just hurt about today, not just about this last week, but about everything. She's mad at herself for having ever believed that this could be real instead of staying away after Kieu My broke her heart on Friendsgiving. 

“The only thing I noticed, is that problems can’t be solved when you don’t talk about them. It doesn't work that way in my world.”

“But I don’t live in your world, Kieu My.” Her voice drips with unintended cruelty, the force of which causes Kieu My to step back.

"Okay. Really . . . you’re obviously lightyears away from me, Fatou Jallow.” Kieu My's voice trembles, struggling to get the words out before she turns around, and Fatou is left watching her run away.

She’s trying to catch her breath, her sobs choking her. She runs her hands over her head trying to understand how they got here, regretting the choice to come over, regretting her words, until it’s all too much and she tries to throw her purse in frustration, but it’s stuck on her wrist and she doubles over finally letting the tears stream down her face. 

She sucks in some air and stands up, preparing to go to the street. Casting one final glance to the apartment building, she realizes she can’t do it. She can’t give up on them; maybe she’ll feel stupid tomorrow, like she did crying in Nora’s bathroom, but she has to try, has to believe there’s something worth saving. 

She runs to the door just as Zoe and Ismail are dragging Constantin out, and she briefly worries that Zoe will tell her to go away. Instead she offers her a sad look and holds the door open for her. She mutters a quick thank you on her way to repeatedly press the elevator call button, cursing it for not arriving faster. She runs to Kieu My’s door, not bothering to knock. 

“Zoe, please,” she hears Kieu My’s tremulous voice approaching. 

Fatou didn’t realize her heart could hurt any more than it had outside, but seeing tears staining Kieu My’s cheeks, she rushes over muttering, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, so sorry.” She wants to pull Kieu My into her arms and kiss away the pain. Pretend that none of tonight happened, but she’s crossed her arms on guard, and so Fatou begins to confess to the fears in her mind. “I’ve been a mess this week, Kieu My. And when you weren’t there I-” she takes a tight breath in, “I thought you’d finally realized that I’m not good enough for you-” 

“I was taking time because I was hurt, Fatou, not because I was cheating on you.” She doesn’t have to raise her voice for Fatou to understand the degree to which she’s hurt her. “What do I have to do to prove that I want you? Of how much I care? I opened up to you, and you wouldn’t talk to me.” 

She shakes her head disappointed with herself. “You’re not just a distraction, Kieu My, I didn’t mean that. I was so overwhelmed and you . . . you’re the best thing. You’re smart and kind and so full of love and I don’t even know what you see in me. I can’t even count inventory right. My brain feels like a sieve with a thousand holes and I let you down, I let my friends down, when all I want is to be there for you, like you had been there for me. But I pushed you away and God I’ve missed you so much.” 

She’s not even sure if she’s making any sense anymore, her jumbled thoughts coming out just as quickly as they enter her mind. She’s met with silence and so she brings her gaze back up to Kieu My’s face, worried what she’d see in her eyes. But they’re brimming with fresh tears and it looks like she’s gathering her strength to respond.

“It’s been hell not talking to you.”

“Can we, please, talk now?” Fatou pleads, hoping that she didn’t ruin one of the best things to happen to her. 

Kieu My exhales audibly, almost a laugh, her tears falling down her cheeks. “Yes, please.”

Fatou moves closer doing what she wanted to do the second she’d walked in and wipes the tears off of Kieu My’s face. They stand there silently breathing in the same air, until their tears have settled and Fatou whispers, “I want to be a part of your world.”

When Kieu My kisses her it’s soft and gentle, the way her hand strokes at her cheek before running down to her hand, leading her back to her bedroom where they settle in and recount their hell weeks to each other. 

They don’t rush their words, talking long into the night, taking turns holding each other until everything has been laid bare and they fall asleep wrapped around each other, enveloped in their love. 

***

**Bonus:**

Fatou runs her finger down the bridge of Kieu My’s nose, tracing her features in the dim light from her bedside lamp. All the tears and talking has made her tired, but she’s not ready to shut her eyes, preferring to continue looking at Kieu My’s face. 

“You know,” she breaks the peaceful silence they’ve been existing in, keeping her voice low, “Ismail wanted to know who’s the top.” She smirks when Kieu My’s brows furrow with surprise. 

“What did you say?”

Fatou shrugs. “Nothing.”

“Ismail,” Kieu My groans before turning on her side to better face Fatou. “He’s been so invested in our relationship since our first kiss. He’s the first one I told.”

“Really? Not Zoe?”

“No, after we kissed . . .” 

Fatou tucks her hands under her cheek, settling in to hear this story, fighting the desire to kiss Kieu My each time she smiles or crinkles her nose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed the little bonus scene, haha, because they're just so soft and I love them.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like it please let me know. It feels really nice to know others appreciate it :)
> 
> Oh, also I've created a tumblr in case anyone wants to be mutuals or talk about the show! vvsapphic


End file.
